that was masterful and i demand a sequel in which wesker and leon battle it out for chris's love.

oh god *of course* leon would be a romantic sap deep down ♥

one sunny friday morning, chris and leon were lying on the beach sipping mimosas and other equally fruity drinks when a black speedboat came roaring by. leon downed the rest of his drink and stood up. "get inside, chris!" he said valiantly.

"no!" chris complained, standing as well although he'd been drinking since dawn so he wasn't able to stand without swaying a bit.

they went down to the dock, both men's brows furrowing when they saw who had arrived.

"wesker!" chris yelled, taking in the tall, handsome, dark-yet-blond figure.

"i've come," he began, examining his gloved fingernails closely, "to take back what is mine."

chris, in his inebriated state, began to walk toward the boat only to have leon put a hand on his chest, effectively stopping him.

"he's happy here, wesker. besides, you're a complete and total douche."

wesker seemed to take this as a compliment and smirked.

chris hated that his heart fluttered at the sight.

"looks like we'll have to duel then." he removed one of his gloves and walked to the end of the dock before slapping leon across the face soundly.

leon stumbled backwards, muttering something that neither man could hear.

"fine," he said, flicking his soft hair off his forehead. "let's duel, bitch."

it started off with punches and kicks, leon using the palm trees to his advantage only to have wesker follow him up. pineapples and coconuts were used as weapons. leon tried to devise a way to create a weapon in order to launch the tropical fruits but he knew there wasn't enough time to do so.

the day passed silently on, punctuated only by growls and curses. wesker, in his old age, began to grow tired and resorted to slapping his hands out at leon. leon tossed his next projectile - a large mango - aside and joined in the kitten fight.

chris yawned, putting his head down on his arm and taking a short nap.

evening began to wash across the sky and both men sank to the sand with exhaustion

"i didn't want to have to do this," leon said, beginning to unbutton his pants and standing again, "but you've left me no choice."

wesker lifted his gaze and took a deep breath.

leon opened his pants, the light radiating from his magnificent cock turning night into day for a few, brief seconds.

with a hiss, wesker leapt across the dock and onto the boat. he said nothing as he sped away, his body too damaged by leon's strange yet effective cock powers.

chris opened his eyes, shaking away the remnants of sleep.

"what happened?" he asked. "And where is my mimosa?"

"let's go back to the house and i'll make you one," leon replied, reaching down to help chris up.

they stumbled back to the beach house arm in arm, leon realizing that he hadn't quite put his cock away but that he would using it soon so it was all for the best.

/completely butchering these characters

the sequel has a title: pineapples and coconuts and cock powers, oh my!

poor chris, left completely ignored during leon and wesker's pissing match. :p